We used to be friends

Yesterday, I read a blog post someone wrote about her friend.  It was her friend’s birthday, and the post was a lovely tribute to a girl who means a great deal to her.

I read the post and smiled because everyone needs to have a friend who deserves to have lovely things written about her.  Then I forgot about it, until this morning.

Facebook – aah, Facebook – reminded me that today is her birthday.  If I had been cognizant of the date, I would have remembered.  But these days, each day is so much like the last – one day it was June 2nd, and now it’s Nov 7th.  And it’s her birthday.

If things had been different, this post could have been my tribute to her, much like the post I read yesterday.  Except we didn’t meet on a train, like in that story. She and I met before I even have real memories.  She was just always there.

She was in my life for 14 years.  She was my bestest friend and I loved her dearly.  Girls can be fierce when they are teenagers, but she was my compadre.  There were other friends who came and went, but she and I were always together.  We were a team.  If one of us was there, the other was always nearby.  More than friends.  She was my sister.

It was so long ago now, I don’t even remember what happened or why our friendship ended, but losing her was hard on me.  We connected a couple of times over the next few years, but there were other fights, other falling outs, and then for years, there was nothing.

And then Facebook.

A reconnection – one face-to-face – and then the sporadic connection here and there online.  But of course, not like it was before.  And how could it be? She’s a totally different person now, and so am I.  And we didn’t become these people on parallel paths.  I have no idea how she came to be who she is today. I’m sure she’s still a beautiful person, but she’s not the beautiful person I used to know.

Our friendship truly ended 17 years ago.  It has been over longer than it lasted.  But still, I remember – and I’m grateful for – the sister she was to me.