Lightness and Smileyness

My quest for connections continues, and so it went when I found myself at the mall on Friday afternoon.

I had a lovely chat with one person in particular that left me smiling big.

As I walked in to the store, I knew I was out of my element.  My jeans read Old Navy on the tag, not Mavi, but I wanted a jean jacket, and hey, this was Jean Machine.  So in I went, hoping that I wouldn’t seem like an old fuddy-duddy mom in a store where the music pumping at decibels that made it clear that their target demographic was a good 15 years younger than I am.

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The Last Time

The last time, there were 350 other people in the room, using up all the oxygen and leaving with me with no breathing room.

This time, there were only my 10 favourite people in attendance, and we were outside in the sunshine.  I breathed deeply and felt the oxygen filling my lungs.

The last time, it was a beautiful snowy winter wonderland.  Just what I always wanted.  And all I wished was that I could bury myself under that snow and never come out.

This time, the sun shone down hot and scorching.  It was sticky, sweaty and almost unbearable.  And all I could feel was the beautiful warmth of it on my skin.

The last time, my hair and makeup were professionally done and turned out perfect.  And I felt like a fraud.

This time, my hair was not what I had in mind and I had to re-do my dreadful “professional” makeup by myself.  And it was perfectly me.

The last time, the food was divine.  There wasn’t a speck of rice left on a plate.  Everyone raved about it.  I couldn’t eat a bite, because I was too choked up with dread to keep anything down.

This time, the food was terrible, and the service was worse.  We sent in a huge complaint letter about it afterward.  And still, it was one of the happiest meals I ever had.

The last time, I paid for drinks for everyone.  All I wanted to do was drown myself in them.

This time, people bought me drinks to celebrate.  And I didn’t need them to feel relaxed and happy.

The last time, all the voices in my head were screaming that I was making a mistake.

This time, the only voice I heard was the one singing a love song in my heart.

The last time, I knew it wouldn’t be the last time.

This time, I knew it was the last time.