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Revelations Part II

They keep coming. And what is most interesting is not that they are coming, but I find that now that I am making a concerted effort to think before I open my trap, those precious moments make me realize how difficult it can be to articulate what I really want to say. With that, these revelations tend to come more slowly, and when they are full formed, are more well defined. But for my faithful three, here are some new ones:

1) I don’t want to have kids just to have kids. I never have. I have never said, “I want to be a mom and have kids and that’s that.” I didn’t even think I wanted to have kids until I met someone I wanted to have kids with, and that was in my 20’s. It was only after that that I realized that for me it wasn’t about the kids first, it was about finding the right person to have a baby with. It’s a big difference.

2) My self worth is not tied to what I do and how I do it. Meaning, it’s not tied to how well I do in school, or how well I do my job, or what job I have. This seems so simple now, but I cried yesterday when I finally realized this. And I realized that no one will ever make me feel again like what I do dictates who I am and what I am worth. Now that that’s over, I realize how much it sucked.

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