Home » Uncategorized » A balanced list of a very unbalanced life

A balanced list of a very unbalanced life

Some things I miss:
– kissing, and then some
– someone touching my shoulders, hair and face
– waking up to the smell of coffee
– someone to press my feet
– someone to talk to about EVERYTHING – work, politics, spirituality, pop culture, family, and everything in between
– someone to talk to about nothing
– someone to call me on my bullshit – much harder to do on my own
– not having to get up to get myself things – it’s not just about being lazy, but about feeling loved
– someone who cares about all the stupid things
– someone who will do something with me because it’s what I want to do and that’s the only reason
– someone who knows about the things I don’t (like cars) and can take care of those things (so I don’t get scammed by the mechanic, which has happened more than once during the past several months)
– someone to teach me new things
– someone who reads the manuals
– being so loved, feeling so loved

Some things I don’t miss:
– crying on the bathroom floor
– crying in the kitchen

– crying in the study
– crying in the car
– crying in bed
– the feeling of dread going home
– the feeling of dread as I think about the rest of my life
– feeling like when it came to the most important things, he was always hearing but never listening
– suffocating
– not sleeping (okay, I’ve still got that issue, but it’s a work in progress)
– always feeling sad. always feeling sad. always feeling sad.
– having my younger cousins look at me and say in unison, after I described how I had been feeling, “that’s clinical depression”
– not wanting to run, or play music, or spend time with my friends and family
– feeling like I should get pregnant, but praying that I don’t get pregnant

That’s a tough list. Balanced, I think. I don’t think it makes it clear one way or the other if I made the right decision. Maybe I’ll never really know.

Head up, young person. Don’t look back.

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